finding creative motivation after a breakup {step one}

hello lovely people!

i sincerely apologize for the lack of posting last week. the truth is, i just went through a breakup. and no matter how many you experience or how long the relationship was, breakups never get any easier. i think even as we age and become more like the person we want to be, it seems harder to find that perfect fit and therefore harder to let go of a person who was close to being that perfect fit.

being a creative and going through this, i always feel as though there is a period of time where my ego suffers and my creativity just fizzles out completely right after experiencing a breakup. instead of seeing the world as this beautiful, amazing subject to shape and shift in the most remote parts of my mind, i see it as this flat, one-dimensional happening that just seems to occur around me.

if you can relate to these circumstances, which i am pretty much betting that you can, i think the question that we struggle most with is this ::

how do i reignite my creativity? 

honestly, i can guide you through this in so many different ways but i have outlined them in five steps. the first step {and most important in my opinion} is to focus on loving yourself.

i know, i know. it may sound ultra-cheesy but it is the first step you really need to take in order to get you on your path again. i think loving yourself is such a crucial practice not just to be put into action after a breakup, but ideally, every day.

i treated myself like crap for almost almost 20 years of my life and during that time i deeply suffered from depression and anxiety as a result. i was definitely my worst enemy and my toughest critic - never my own cheerleader. as i've grown, become more aware and accepting of myself, and with a ton of help from my friends and therapist, i came to realize just how awful i was treating myself.

before, i would work myself to the bone: 7.5 hours at my day job, sometimes 10 hours making jewelry and blogging and if i was lucky, maybe 4 hours of sleep. even after days like this, i would still be mad at myself for not pushing myself harder. people would tell me that i needed to take better care of myself and i never really 'got' what they meant. even after making literally hundreds of sales in one weekend, i would think to myself: ok, now how do i do this better, faster, more frequent? -- total freakazoid.

i couldn't even pat myself on the back - too afraid that i would rest on my laurels. sure, there are great things to be said for self-motivation but in my case it was a bit too much. so what i do now is keep an ongoing list of things i've accomplished every day that i should acknowledge and view as a productive use of my time. i'm talking simple, people: from washing your sheets to answering an email you had been putting off. keep track of these things and give yourself a little pat on the back each time you've accomplished something.

see yourself for who you are and who you should be: your own best friend. take care of yourself. set things aside for a few days and just focus on pampering yourself. one of my friends said it best: 'how would you take care of a friend in that situation? now, do that for yourself.'

i also have a bad case of perfectionism. always have. i censor my work as well as ideas instead of letting them flourish and take shape freely. if you are also guilty of this, recognize and acknowledge that it is a problem. that is the first step to creative freedom. i also find that meditation is extremely helpful in dealing with this. try to meditate every morning - even if it's just for 10 minutes. journal your feelings and explore why you are censoring yourself or why you feel the need to create 'perfect' work.

perfect is boring. 
perfect is predictable. 
mistakes can be exciting.

embrace your mistakes. nourish and encourage imperfection in your work. mistakes are exciting and they can define us. embrace your process because by extension they are you and you need to love them and be amazed by their occurrence.

you see that picture above? i created it three years ago but it wasn't good enough. but guess what? it is a part of me and my process - and i love that. so it is here; loud and proud for everyone to see. this is a really good exercise in un-censoring your work. your ego may be suffering from your breakup but it doesn't have to affect your pride in your work.

so enough about me, here are some ways to love yourself the way you deserve to be loved:

• practice meditation {try to do it every day}
• print out some positive affirmations about loving yourself {say them aloud to yourself and hang them up where you will see them often}
• buy a big, fat journal. write down what you are going through. for every negative thing you say in there, regarding yourself or situation, follow it up with a positive outlook on that same thing. you can even sketch out your feelings - it's fun and it exercises your creative brain!
• pamper yourself. indulge in something you don't usually allow yourself. {massage, accupuncture, piano lessons, etc.}
• sing, dance, smile. smile especially when you are feeling down. it sends signals to your brain that will make you feel happy.
• rest and relax. go to bed at a decent time - no ifs, ands or buts! being well-rested will put you in a better frame of mind.
• take care of your physical appearance. it will in turn make you feel good on the inside.
• practice good posture. a simple shift in proper posture can make you feel like you can take on the world.
• read some of gala darling's radical self-love posts. she is amazing simply put.

so get out there and love yo self!
next up: finding creative motivation after a breakup {step two} - be thankful for the beauty around you